Learning From Perspective

Life is funny. In my case, how heart problems affect my life is funny. They have both subtly and not so subtly shaped my entire life. I have always had heart problems so I don’t know what it’s like to live without them. But, I can speak about what it is like to live with heart problems. Throughout my younger years I spent a lot of time on the sidelines because I could not physically keep up with all the other kids. This was hard for me. As I watched all my friends do what I could not, being healthy became the one thing I always wanted.

Heart problems can be dealt with in many ways. Some people do their best to hide from them. This approach will only cause internal turmoil by conditioning yourself to be afraid of your own medical problems. Others take the trials head on. From my experience, this is the best way to deal with heart problems.

A positive head on approach to heart problems is not by “learning to live with” heart problems, but rather, “having the opportunity to live with” heart problems. Medical challenges provide one a unique perspective on life that can completely change the way you view the world. They create a lens through which you can see the world from a rare perspective. This perspective for me often comes through the activities I participate in. For me, this perspective allowed me to learn a valuable lesson about what is most important to me in my life. I learned that when you can’t do all that you want to do, you will do what you know you should do.

Growing up with heart problems was a unique experience. Though I was never able to participate in all the activities I would have liked, I was able to do all the things that were important to me. Within my religion I was able to do everything that others could do. I came to see that although I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do, I was able to do everything I knew I needed to do.

The Power of Thought

The arrhythmias began the final day of my junior year in high school. Without any provocation, my heart would go from a normal 60 beats per minute (bpm) to an astounding 300 bpm. As soon as my heart rate jumped so high, my heart stayed at the fast rate. As you can imagine, at 300 bpm my energy level would quickly decrease. To bring my heart rate back to normal, I would go to the hospital where they would shock my heart and bring my rate back to normal.

That day, the last day of school my junior year, was just the beginning of the struggles I would have with arrhythmias. Over the next few years I would go in and out of arrhythmias, always ending in a hospital trip to get shocked. More than anything, getting shocked was inconvenient. Every time I went to the hospital, I knew that I would be there for at least five hours. I came to dread arrhythmias because I didn’t want to take time out of my schedule to go to the hospital.

This dread lead to hyper observance. I would monitor my rate rate several times every hour to make sure that my heart rate was where it should be. But as the weeks went on I began to go into more and more arrhythmias. Eventually, it became clear that the increased frequency of arrhythmias was my fault! My hyper observance was inadvertently causing me to go into arrhythmias. My preoccupation of arrhythmias stressed me to the point of arrhythmias.

With practice, I learned how to control my thoughts so that I my attention was not focused on my heart rate. The frequency of my arrhythmias drastically decreased and my quality of life increased, all because I changed the focus of my thoughts.

Focus on Slushies

This boy accomplished many things that day. He came out of surgery well, taught me a valuable life lesson, and of course, got his slushies. What I learned was that the most important action we can take in the face of adversity is where we choose to put our focus. In life, there are so many things that are out of our control. What we can do is deliberately choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, and by so doing, we can have the confidence to move forward just like that little boy did.

I remember a little boy who was going in for a minor operation. In contrast to the procedures he had in the past, this operation was, to him, “a piece of cake.” The operation was simple, but to most healthy people would have been concerning. This boy however, was not scared one bit. The only thing that was on his mind was the unlimited slushies he would get after the surgery. He was not ignorant as to the nature of the operation, nor was he unaware of the risks associated with surgery, rather, he knew that focusing on the stresses outside of his control would be pointless and so instead focused on the outcome that was pleasant for him.

When you are in the hospital, you can find a lot of things to be frustrated with. The medical experience for any patient seems to move excruciatingly slow. The majority of the time you spend in a hospital is spent waiting. What’s worse, because medical workers are people, mistakes happen, and that can be frustrating. People who are not accustomed to the medical realm seems to be amazed at how long or inconvenient hospital visits can be. But as I grew up in an out of a children’s hospital, I saw the power of focusing on the good.

Living is a Team Sport

I imagine my friends were quite amused seeing me arrive home from the hospital after surgery. As I came up the street where I lived, I saw many of my friends outside waiting for me. I tried to wave but only ended up wiggling my fingers. My friends came and opened the car door and I got out to talk with them. Between the painkillers the doctors had me on and my slow movements I was very entertaining to be around. Strange comments and delayed responses kept my friends laughing for hours.

While I was not feeling very well the day I came home, the fact that my friends cared enough about me to be there and stay with me meant the world. My friends were a crucial support system for me after my fourth heart surgery. They spent a lot of time with me doing anything they could to help. On good days we would watch movies, play video games, enjoy board games, or just talk. When I was having a bad day my friends would bring me a treat or write me a card. The little things they did really made the difference for me. I am forever grateful for those trying times in my life when my friends and I were able to strengthen our friendships.

Friendships are some of the sweetest associations we will ever have in our lives. The happiest families will describe themselves as friends. The closest couples say that they married their best friend. Time and time again it always comes back to friends! When it comes down to what brings us the most joy, for me I have learned it is all about friends. In tough times or easy times, friends are what make experiences worth remembering. Friends enable one to really live; after all, living is a team sport.

Live Like you are Dying

The other day I was thinking about what it was like walking into an operating room to have open heart surgery. At 10 years old while in the preoperative waiting room the nurses offered me medication to make me drowsy, but I refused. I didn’t want to be asleep because I wanted to spend the time with my family. Many patients are nervous before surgery for various reasons. They do not know what the outcome of the operation will be, or are afraid it is going to hurt. But not me. No matter what happened, I knew that everything would be okay. This assurance, as I came to discover later, was the result of living my life as if I were about to die.

Now this does not mean that I thought I was going to die. Nor does it mean that I was ready to die. Rather, because of the way that I had lived, my conscious was clear.

When people think about how they would live like they were dying, often thoughts of all the things they want to do before they die come up. Travel to Paris, swim with a dolphin, attend a Broadway show, or stay in a five star hotel. While all these things would be wonderful to do, I have come to understand that they are not the things that constitute living like you are dying.

Throughout my life I have come up with my own definition of what it means to live like you were dying. The definition is really more of a question that you can ask yourself. When you die, what is it that you would like others to say about the person you were? I want all those who know me to describe me with similar terms. Kind, loving, faithful, trustworthy, and disciplined.

Living like you are dying is not about cramming in life experience at the very end. It is about becoming the kind of person you want to be so that you leave behind the kind of legacy you want to leave. It’s about the lives you touch and the help you render. With this definition in mind, we should all be living like we are dying, because life is short.

When the World is Pushing you Down

As I learned how fragile life was, I became aware of how I could better control my life. As we learn what is in our control, we will see more clearly what is not in our control. Focusing on the things that are in our control will let us push off the worldly matters that are pushing us down and thereby enable us to succeed by doing what we can.  

I remember when I was 10 years old. Most adults would make comments that kids thought they were invincible, and they did. Kids thought they they could never die and so they would act like maniacs. That was not me, I knew that life was fragile. Going through so many medical operations changes a child’s  perception of life. Because I had been so close to losing my life, I knew that I could easily die. There were nights where I went to bed wondering if I would wake up in the morning because my perspective on life was that it is short.

It's all about perspective.

Another perspective on life develops when we feel a responsibility for our success. While it is true that we are responsible for our success, the outcomes of our life are not solely dependent upon our behavior. With all the things we need to do and many more things we should do, life can often become overwhelming. Calendars, to-do lists, and reminders help to keep us on track but still we can often feel that there is still so very much left to do. This is another perspective issues.

Because God has a perfect plan for us, all we need to do is the best we can. Once we have done everything in our power, we need to leave the rest up to him. In life, when we feel that life is pushing us down, we should remember that we are only required to do that which we can. What is out of our control is just that, out of our control.

Learning to be a Patient Patient

At 20 years old, I found myself sitting in a hospital bed waiting to have surgery the following week. Two days earlier I was doing what every normal missionary did: teaching, working, and sweating. Now, I was laying in a bed with a monitor strapped to my chest to measure every beat of my heart. Seeing my heartbeat was usually a good thing. It meant I was alive. But this time it gave me concern. This concern came not because it was beating but because of how fast it was beating, 300 beats per minute. At that rate, my energy level went down substantially.

As a missionary you are expected to live by certain rules. These rules make sense and help keep you safe and focused. They guide and direct the way you live as a missionary. On the flip side, when you are not a missionary, living all the mission rules prevents living what most consider to be “a normal life.” Since I was technically a missionary but was not doing what missionaries typically do, I found myself faced with some difficulties.

I was not allowed to watch t.v., listen to music, read non mission approved literature, or play any kind of video games. Normally this would not bother me; I kept busy with missionary life, but being confined to a bed, I found that I could only read the few books I had access to for only so long. I became incredibly bored.

The thought of having to wait like this for five days at first killed me. How was I going to make it without any entertainment? As I sat there thinking a thought came into my mind. “Patience is made.” With that thought in mind, I began looking for ways to productively entertain myself without relying on technology. I sought out people to talk with so that I might learn their stories, and I found that not only would they share their stories, but I could also share mine. Opportunities for “unusual” missionary interactions came flooding in!

In the course of mutual sharing, I learned that being patient doesn’t mean waiting without complaining; being patient means filling the time you have with productive activities. In life, patience is required of all of us, whether we are “in-patients” or “out-patients.” Learning how to be a patient patient is truly one of the most important things any of us can ever learn.