Definitions Make a Difference

Growing up with heart problems, I have always had a special interest in the human heart. The heart is an organ that never stops working as it circulates blood throughout the body. When you think about the heart in a physical way, you will learn some amazing things. But there is another way to think about the heart. You can think about the heart in a spiritual way and learn incredible things.

I often think about how Elder David A. Bednar has defined the heart; the heart is the sum total of our thoughts, desires, feelings, and motivations. It's who we are and who we are becoming.

This definition of the heart means a lot to me. This is because a lot of what I feel,what motivates me, who I am and who I am becoming is a result of my heart. Looking at the heart with Elder Bednar's definition in mind helps me to see my heart problems as a blessing because my heart problems have taught me many lessons that I would otherwise not have learned.

One of the greatest helps I have to overcome the challenges associated with heart problems is the value positive perspectives bring to my life. I wish and hope that helpful knowledge such as Elder Bednar's definition of the heart will fill my mind and enable me to learn from the difficult situations that arise in my life.

Learning From Perspective

Life is funny. In my case, how heart problems affect my life is funny. They have both subtly and not so subtly shaped my entire life. I have always had heart problems so I don’t know what it’s like to live without them. But, I can speak about what it is like to live with heart problems. Throughout my younger years I spent a lot of time on the sidelines because I could not physically keep up with all the other kids. This was hard for me. As I watched all my friends do what I could not, being healthy became the one thing I always wanted.

Heart problems can be dealt with in many ways. Some people do their best to hide from them. This approach will only cause internal turmoil by conditioning yourself to be afraid of your own medical problems. Others take the trials head on. From my experience, this is the best way to deal with heart problems.

A positive head on approach to heart problems is not by “learning to live with” heart problems, but rather, “having the opportunity to live with” heart problems. Medical challenges provide one a unique perspective on life that can completely change the way you view the world. They create a lens through which you can see the world from a rare perspective. This perspective for me often comes through the activities I participate in. For me, this perspective allowed me to learn a valuable lesson about what is most important to me in my life. I learned that when you can’t do all that you want to do, you will do what you know you should do.

Growing up with heart problems was a unique experience. Though I was never able to participate in all the activities I would have liked, I was able to do all the things that were important to me. Within my religion I was able to do everything that others could do. I came to see that although I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do, I was able to do everything I knew I needed to do.

The Power of Thought

The arrhythmias began the final day of my junior year in high school. Without any provocation, my heart would go from a normal 60 beats per minute (bpm) to an astounding 300 bpm. As soon as my heart rate jumped so high, my heart stayed at the fast rate. As you can imagine, at 300 bpm my energy level would quickly decrease. To bring my heart rate back to normal, I would go to the hospital where they would shock my heart and bring my rate back to normal.

That day, the last day of school my junior year, was just the beginning of the struggles I would have with arrhythmias. Over the next few years I would go in and out of arrhythmias, always ending in a hospital trip to get shocked. More than anything, getting shocked was inconvenient. Every time I went to the hospital, I knew that I would be there for at least five hours. I came to dread arrhythmias because I didn’t want to take time out of my schedule to go to the hospital.

This dread lead to hyper observance. I would monitor my rate rate several times every hour to make sure that my heart rate was where it should be. But as the weeks went on I began to go into more and more arrhythmias. Eventually, it became clear that the increased frequency of arrhythmias was my fault! My hyper observance was inadvertently causing me to go into arrhythmias. My preoccupation of arrhythmias stressed me to the point of arrhythmias.

With practice, I learned how to control my thoughts so that I my attention was not focused on my heart rate. The frequency of my arrhythmias drastically decreased and my quality of life increased, all because I changed the focus of my thoughts.

When the World is Pushing you Down

As I learned how fragile life was, I became aware of how I could better control my life. As we learn what is in our control, we will see more clearly what is not in our control. Focusing on the things that are in our control will let us push off the worldly matters that are pushing us down and thereby enable us to succeed by doing what we can.  

I remember when I was 10 years old. Most adults would make comments that kids thought they were invincible, and they did. Kids thought they they could never die and so they would act like maniacs. That was not me, I knew that life was fragile. Going through so many medical operations changes a child’s  perception of life. Because I had been so close to losing my life, I knew that I could easily die. There were nights where I went to bed wondering if I would wake up in the morning because my perspective on life was that it is short.

It's all about perspective.

Another perspective on life develops when we feel a responsibility for our success. While it is true that we are responsible for our success, the outcomes of our life are not solely dependent upon our behavior. With all the things we need to do and many more things we should do, life can often become overwhelming. Calendars, to-do lists, and reminders help to keep us on track but still we can often feel that there is still so very much left to do. This is another perspective issues.

Because God has a perfect plan for us, all we need to do is the best we can. Once we have done everything in our power, we need to leave the rest up to him. In life, when we feel that life is pushing us down, we should remember that we are only required to do that which we can. What is out of our control is just that, out of our control.

Becoming a Big Picture Person

All of us have those experiences that change the way we view life. Often this means we gain a new perspective on a specific issue. While the perspective we acquire may not be very grand, novel or unique to the world, it is to the one who gains the new perspective. Like putting corrective lenses on one who has never before seen clearly, new perspectives, though small, change our entire world. This was one of those experiences that have forever changed my view.

When I was 10 years old, I was scheduled for an open heart surgery at Primary Children’s Hospital. The surgery that was to be performed had rarely been done on a child as young or small as me. I was nervous. As I sat one night thinking about the surgery, my mother came in and talked with me. As we spoke I noticed that she didn’t seem scared. This puzzled me, but then she taught me a lesson I will never forget. My mother then looked at me and said, “learn how to view your trials for what they really are-opportunities to become better.”

Even now, when I’m trying to see how a difficulty is an opportunity, it’s helpful for me to think of myself down the road and ask myself, “How am I better, more capable, or more helpful because I went through this?” In learning to view my trials from a different perspective, one that encourages me to become something more, I approach not only surgery, but life in general, with increased confidence and a positive mentality.