Love Helps Forget

Waking up from open heart surgery is quite the experience. As the anesthesia wears off, the beeping of machines fills your ears. Slowly you start to regain consciousness. Then it just hurts. After some time, you open your eyes to see where you are but the anesthesia makes you pretty groggy. Pretty much all you can put together is that you are not dead, there are a bunch of people around you, and some kind of machine keeps beeping. Eventually, the anesthesia gets out of your system and you can think clearly and quickly. My favorite part during this phase is the sick feeling usually goes away and you are ready for food. Still hurting, you step by step become yourself again. Gradually the pain subsides until you get to the point of boredom and finally you get to go home!

That is pretty much what it is like to wake up from surgery. There are many other things that go on after surgery: bandages, physical therapy (I don’t like this one), tests, tests, and even more tests. What is interesting to me is not what I remember about post op, but rather, what it is that I don’t remember. I honestly don’t remember how the pain felt after any of my surgeries. Four open heart surgeries and I can’t remember how the pain felt. I do remember that I was in more pain then I had ever before been in. I can tell you that I thought, “this must be what it feels like to get hit by a train head on.”

Now, i’m sure a social worker or psychologist has a mental or physiological explanation for this lack of remembrance; and I am not saying that those answers are wrong. But I do have my own answer for why I can’t remember how the pain felt after surgery: Love. The love that Heavenly Father has for His children. I believe that a merciful part of Heavenly Father's plan for us prevents us from exactly remembering the pains of the past. We will remember that it hurt, but not what that hurt felt like. I’m so grateful for the love Heavenly Father has for me, in allowing me to forget the pain of the past without forgetting the experience.

Focus on Slushies

This boy accomplished many things that day. He came out of surgery well, taught me a valuable life lesson, and of course, got his slushies. What I learned was that the most important action we can take in the face of adversity is where we choose to put our focus. In life, there are so many things that are out of our control. What we can do is deliberately choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, and by so doing, we can have the confidence to move forward just like that little boy did.

I remember a little boy who was going in for a minor operation. In contrast to the procedures he had in the past, this operation was, to him, “a piece of cake.” The operation was simple, but to most healthy people would have been concerning. This boy however, was not scared one bit. The only thing that was on his mind was the unlimited slushies he would get after the surgery. He was not ignorant as to the nature of the operation, nor was he unaware of the risks associated with surgery, rather, he knew that focusing on the stresses outside of his control would be pointless and so instead focused on the outcome that was pleasant for him.

When you are in the hospital, you can find a lot of things to be frustrated with. The medical experience for any patient seems to move excruciatingly slow. The majority of the time you spend in a hospital is spent waiting. What’s worse, because medical workers are people, mistakes happen, and that can be frustrating. People who are not accustomed to the medical realm seems to be amazed at how long or inconvenient hospital visits can be. But as I grew up in an out of a children’s hospital, I saw the power of focusing on the good.

Becoming a Big Picture Person

All of us have those experiences that change the way we view life. Often this means we gain a new perspective on a specific issue. While the perspective we acquire may not be very grand, novel or unique to the world, it is to the one who gains the new perspective. Like putting corrective lenses on one who has never before seen clearly, new perspectives, though small, change our entire world. This was one of those experiences that have forever changed my view.

When I was 10 years old, I was scheduled for an open heart surgery at Primary Children’s Hospital. The surgery that was to be performed had rarely been done on a child as young or small as me. I was nervous. As I sat one night thinking about the surgery, my mother came in and talked with me. As we spoke I noticed that she didn’t seem scared. This puzzled me, but then she taught me a lesson I will never forget. My mother then looked at me and said, “learn how to view your trials for what they really are-opportunities to become better.”

Even now, when I’m trying to see how a difficulty is an opportunity, it’s helpful for me to think of myself down the road and ask myself, “How am I better, more capable, or more helpful because I went through this?” In learning to view my trials from a different perspective, one that encourages me to become something more, I approach not only surgery, but life in general, with increased confidence and a positive mentality.