Definitions Make a Difference

Growing up with heart problems, I have always had a special interest in the human heart. The heart is an organ that never stops working as it circulates blood throughout the body. When you think about the heart in a physical way, you will learn some amazing things. But there is another way to think about the heart. You can think about the heart in a spiritual way and learn incredible things.

I often think about how Elder David A. Bednar has defined the heart; the heart is the sum total of our thoughts, desires, feelings, and motivations. It's who we are and who we are becoming.

This definition of the heart means a lot to me. This is because a lot of what I feel,what motivates me, who I am and who I am becoming is a result of my heart. Looking at the heart with Elder Bednar's definition in mind helps me to see my heart problems as a blessing because my heart problems have taught me many lessons that I would otherwise not have learned.

One of the greatest helps I have to overcome the challenges associated with heart problems is the value positive perspectives bring to my life. I wish and hope that helpful knowledge such as Elder Bednar's definition of the heart will fill my mind and enable me to learn from the difficult situations that arise in my life.

Love Helps Forget

Waking up from open heart surgery is quite the experience. As the anesthesia wears off, the beeping of machines fills your ears. Slowly you start to regain consciousness. Then it just hurts. After some time, you open your eyes to see where you are but the anesthesia makes you pretty groggy. Pretty much all you can put together is that you are not dead, there are a bunch of people around you, and some kind of machine keeps beeping. Eventually, the anesthesia gets out of your system and you can think clearly and quickly. My favorite part during this phase is the sick feeling usually goes away and you are ready for food. Still hurting, you step by step become yourself again. Gradually the pain subsides until you get to the point of boredom and finally you get to go home!

That is pretty much what it is like to wake up from surgery. There are many other things that go on after surgery: bandages, physical therapy (I don’t like this one), tests, tests, and even more tests. What is interesting to me is not what I remember about post op, but rather, what it is that I don’t remember. I honestly don’t remember how the pain felt after any of my surgeries. Four open heart surgeries and I can’t remember how the pain felt. I do remember that I was in more pain then I had ever before been in. I can tell you that I thought, “this must be what it feels like to get hit by a train head on.”

Now, i’m sure a social worker or psychologist has a mental or physiological explanation for this lack of remembrance; and I am not saying that those answers are wrong. But I do have my own answer for why I can’t remember how the pain felt after surgery: Love. The love that Heavenly Father has for His children. I believe that a merciful part of Heavenly Father's plan for us prevents us from exactly remembering the pains of the past. We will remember that it hurt, but not what that hurt felt like. I’m so grateful for the love Heavenly Father has for me, in allowing me to forget the pain of the past without forgetting the experience.